


Windows to the Soul

by DisguisedasInnocent



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisguisedasInnocent/pseuds/DisguisedasInnocent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The saying goes that the eyes are the window to the soul, but if that is the case, then Emily can see that Paige's soul is lost and broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Windows to the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a while since I last wrote Paily. This is me attempting to get back within the right headspace for the characters. Set in the First Season.

The young dark haired girl keeps her eyes closed tightly, her hands curled underneath her head as she tries to ignore the sound of the thunder crashing through the air from the window. The rain beats against the glass, a series of pitter-pattering sounds that drum through Emily's mind, preventing her from sleeping. The phone on the bedside table vibrates suddenly, cutting through the layer of calm that the young girl had finally worked into her mind, her hand reaching out blindly for the device, grasping it before pulling it back onto the bed. A pair of bleary eyes looked at the device, thumb pressed over the screen, sliding the lock down to read the message on the screen.

"Come downstairs." Emily read slowly, blinking for a moment to focus on the read, her eyes flickering to the contact information. "Paige?"

The name slipped from her lips in a haze of confusion, her eyebrows furrowing as her mind called up an image of a red haired girl with her hair slicked back and wet staring angrily down at her from the side of the pool. "What the heck?" 

A quick look out of the window told the girl that the rain wasn't a figment of her imagination, a bolt of lightning crashing through the sky a second before thunder crackled in the air. Emily's body moved before her mind caught up with the decision, feet sliding into a pair of sandals left at the side of the bed as she padded towards her doorway and down the stairs. 

The girl waited a moment, a second as the clock ticked loudly in the hallway, listening for a sound from her mother's room before she pulled open the door. A gasp escaped her lips. 

In front of her eyes came another image of a drenched Paige McCullers, however, it was obvious from the way that the girl's clothes stuck to her skin and her hair lay fall against her scalp that the wetness was not from the pool. A tight pale blue tank top clung to the girl's chest, highlighting the way that her breasts heaved up and down as the girl breathed hard as if from a physical exertion. "Paige?" Emily's voice cracked slightly, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes shining with confusion as she looked at the girl. "Are you ok?"

"No," The girl whimpered, biting down on her bottom lip as she looked at Emily, staring into her eyes before looking away, focusing instead on the floor. 

"What happened?" Emily asked softly, her hand wrapped tightly around the door handle but her body swaying towards the pale-skinned girl.

Paige smiled slightly, a smile pinched at the corners of the girl's mouth, an expression filled with mirth and sadness. "You have every reason to hate me," Her voice hitched as she spoke, words clogged on the end of her tongue that she couldn't speak but she felt with every stabbing breath. "I don't even know why I'm here."

Emily looks for a moment, eyes taking in the way that Paige shivers, wrapping her arms tighter around her body, fingers clawing at her own biceps as she shudders. "I don't hate you." Two hours ago, those words would have been false, but looking at the girl now, Emily felt nothing but sadness and a sense of heartbreak for the girl.

A chuckle escaped Paige's lips; however, the sound was not due to humour or happiness as she looks directly into Emily's eyes. "I would." She pauses, biting down on the end of her tongue before speaking again. "I do."

Emily feels a coldness seep through her body at those words, a tightening around her throat as she looks at Paige properly for the first time in her life, taking in everything that the girl had been hiding. She took in the way that Paige’s eyes were coloured with self-loathing and hatred, and the way that her words were soaked in desperation. "Don't say that." She replies, fear and sadness colouring her tone, her body aching to take this girl into her arms and soothe away the pain that held her heart. 

Paige feels the water running down her face, mixing with the tears on her cheeks as she speaks again, taking in a deep breath to force the words from her throat. "I'm sorry Emily," The way that she says the words give them more meaning than a simple apology for the swimming pool incident. As if she were apologising for even existing. "I just wanted you to know that."

The tanned girl doesn't know what to say, thousands of words tickling the back of her throat, streaming through her mind fighting each other to escape from her mouth all at once. Until in the end, she doesn't say anything. 

Paige pauses at the end of the path, her hands grasping the cool metal frame of her bike, pulling it upwards and Emily’s mouth finally opens. “Wait,” The word comes out choked but whole. “Paige…” 

Paige doesn't wait; she flings herself onto the bike, desperate to get away from the black hole that Emily is to her, the force pulling her in from all sides.

The rain splatters against her skin, cold and wet, sliding along the contours of her face to drip off the end of her chin mixing with the tears sliding from her eyes. Darken brown eyes peering through the rain, following the white lines painted along the length of the road to whatever destination they have in mind for her. She doesn’t care.

She doesn’t care about the way that her heart aches in the middle of her chest, a burning tightening sensation around her lungs that spreads through her body and grips her tighter with every breath that she takes. She doesn’t care about the soreness of her muscles, the way that they beg her to slow down, to stop, to think and to breathe. She doesn’t care about the way that the tears course down her cheeks, her breathing hitching as the sobs rise up her throat. She doesn’t care.

She wants the pain to end, the pain that follows her around every day, filling every corner of her life, every second of her conscious existence.

The tears roll down Paige’s cheeks, splattering against the cold hard ground as she pushes her body to cycle harder, faster, away from the source of her pain. Emily Fields.

She wants to escape from the source of the darkness, the black hole that drags her deeper and deeper, forcing her heart to expand from the pressure and the pain. She wants to be able to stop orbiting around Emily, to stop looking at her as the centre of her entire universe. She tried to stop needing Emily once more, to stop the need for the other girl, but it never worked.

Perhaps this time it will work.

Perhaps this time she can take the leap into the unknown. Perhaps this time she can take a journey that does not include Emily Fields. Perhaps this time she can stop the pain, for the last time. 

Emily stands on the porch, her eyes glued to the back of Paige’s shirt until the girl turns a corner and she disappears into the darkness of the night. Emily remains standing on the edge of the porch, her eyes searching through the darkness of a figure, a shape, to tell her that Paige would return. The girl felt tightness forming in the middle of her chest, a hand clenched around her heart, a pressure sitting on top of her lungs. 

The phone in her hand buzzed and for a moment, she prayed that the contact information would say that the message was from Paige. It wasn’t. 

“Come down.” The girl read Paige’s message again, her eyes flickering up once again to look into the darkness before pressing the call button next to Paige’s name. 

The phone rang. Seconds ticked by slowly, eating away at Emily’s nerves, her teeth biting down into her bottom lip sucking hard on the abused flesh.

“Hey,” Paige’s voice sang through the phone line and for a moment Emily felt her heart leap inside her chest, happiness thrumming through her veins, then it plummeted to the bottom of her feet. “I’m not here right now, so leave a message and if I can be bothered I’ll call you back.”

“Paige,” Emily’s voice shuddered as she tried to speak, the girl finally recognising the tears that ran down her cheeks. “It’s Emily, please; I need to speak to you. I need to know that you’re all right Paige, please, call me back or come back. I’ll be here, just please come back.”

Emily sat on the edge of the porch all night, her head resting against the wooden support of the house, dozing quietly before jerking awake to search through the night for the dark haired girl but she never appeared. Emily’s heart rested in the pit of her stomach, twisting and turning as she thought about the desperation in Paige’s eyes and the sadness.


End file.
